There’s an art to socializing silently – the atmosphere is not disdain, irreverence, aloofness or dismissal, but more like sitting with your partner at the table on Sunday morning over coffee, too tired to talk but both of you knowing it’s okay. Don’t be rude or dismissive… just allow yourself to be content in quiet company.
• It’s very common that people introduce themselves and extend their hand for a handshake with someone new, but for someone with severe social anxiety it creates pressure of speech, and they might just turn tail to escape that instant with that extended hand still in the air! Not introducing yourself may make you feel rude, but to introverts it’s courteous. For them, silence with little/no eye contact is normal, and you’re being polite when you don’t even acknowledge someone’s arrival.
• There are two signs: “Silence In The Library” for no contact and “Whispers In The Night” for quiet conversation if you want. This way you don’t have to leave the area if you want to socialize, just move to the Whispers table and maintain a courteous volume. The event organizer will be at the Whispers table, but it will be mostly empty for the evening.
• The “Silence In The Library” area has strict rules, as people who sit there aren’t expected to talk to anybody else or be talked to.
• Respect people’s space, and I don’t mean respect your perception of their space: an introvert’s space is just within eye contact unless they’ve chosen to sit at the Whispers table.
• If you want to talk with someone, move to the Whispers table… and wait for what could be an unusually long time. The other person may need to finish their chapter or they may just not be interested. Don’t stare, or even make insistent eye contact – trust me, they’ve noticed, this event is all about subtleties. Imagine if you pass a note saying “Hey, wanna talk?” to someone with social anxiety and you move to the Whispers table: they could pack up and bail right then and never come back because they’ll be afraid you’ll be at the every event, expecting, waiting… it can haunt them! Don’t inflict yourself upon others during this event – be kind, be quiet, be patient.
• If you want to text someone you came with and converse that way it’s okay, just be respectful, subtle, courteous. Smartphones in silent mode don’t bother anybody.
• Again, smartphones on silent. Other people can’t get into their book with “ding… ding… ding… ding… DING…” after every IM, email and application notice that arrives on your phone.
• Talking on your cell phone at the Silence table or while others are trying to quietly socialize at the Whispers table is unacceptable and you will be asked to terminate your call or move immediately, and you should already know you’re breaking the rules and accept this in grace. If necessary, go walk around in the rest of the cafe for the duration of your call. Taking a call and putting it on loudspeaker will straight up get you ejected from the venue with no warning; doing that is rude no matter what cafe you’re in.
• Be mindful of your laptop screen, book title or cover – If you’re reading Jay Wiseman’s “SM 101, A Realistic Introduction” for example, be discrete as this is a public venue.
• Generally speaking, no children, this is a 16+ gathering. This is because at a silent event, parents set children up for failure if you can’t talk to them and they can’t ask questions. That said, some minors absolutely have social anxiety – go ahead and attend, let the organizer know that you’re attending with a minor and there will be safe, quiet space for you both. Others who let their kids run around an otherwise quiet cafe to entertain themselves at other patrons’ expense… notsomuch.
• This is a safe space, all are welcome to attend in unobtrusive peace.